Reminiscence

Yaay, last dreaded exam over! It was a short lecture course exam, only 30 minutes, and I was a bit anxious that I wouldn’t have enough time, especially since we were supposed to answer in German. But it went surprisingly well and I’m sure I’ll pass, so this semester is pretty much over and done with :)

After the exam, I went for a walk (how surprising!) and walked past a farm or stable with horses grazing outside. I was suddenly overcome by a flood of memories and started thinking about how much life has changed in the past five years.

In February 2006, I had not yet enrolled at the university, but the horrendous entrance exams were only ahead. I was almost daily at the stable, as I still had my mischievous little horse. We had spent almost a decade together already, and he was the most important thing in the world for me. I had yet no clue that in just a few months, his legs would be in such a bad condition that I made the tough decision that it would be his last summer. I also did not know that in half a year, I would have enrolled myself at the university as a political history fresher, finally after two failed attempts. I was also moving to my first own home – now that I no longer had a horse to take care of, I could afford moving out.

In February 2011, I’m fulfilling two of my dreams. I’m doing my master’s degree in fields I am extremely passionate about. My studies also have brought me to the city I fantasised about living in for so, so many years, and I’m loving the city more by every minute that goes by. Strangely, also my love and appreciation for Helsinki has grown stronger during my time abroad.

During the past five years, I have met so far the most important people in my life (in addition to my family, of course), and I don’t even have the words to express my gratitude and love for my friends. There have been ups and downs in my life, quite rough ones, too, but it all has contributed to my growth as me – someone very different from who I was five years ago. I certainly have not only developed and refined qualities, but developed some new, previously unknown bad sides. But I guess that’s part of being human, and keeps the never-ending process in motion.

I was suddenly really overwhelmed by emotions and seriously thought of finding a small private spot where I could cry it out just a little. I don’t even know why I would have cried – I didn’t feel sad, despite also painful memories. There’s a time for everything; even if I’ve had the most wonderful moments in the past, they’re good to be there, left behind. Now is good just as it is. I guess that’s what I would have cried for. Not for grief over things being in the past, but for gratitude that they have happened, and brought me to this present state. I certainly would not describe myself as a fatalist, but sometimes, pieces just do seem to fall in place, building something really good, bit by bit.

Heh, I certainly at least have grown a lot more emotional during these years. Or maybe I’m just on better terms with my emotions and let them exist in the first place.